Do you feel lucky? Nobody got all five winning numbers yesterday, March 27, 2012, so get your Mega Millions numbers for Friday as the jackpot is expected to top $500 MILLION DOLLARS! The largest lottery jackpot in the history of the United States! Forget about Obama-Care! Why worry about gasoline prices? With $500 MILLION DOLLARS, you, too, can build a new home like Mitt Romney and have an elevator for your numerous automobiles. Even after taxes, you′ll have a pretty piece of change in your pocket. The only catch is that the odds of winning are about 176 Million-to-1 against you. But other than that, you′re home free!
Yes, if you win you can start living the life of a Goldman Sachs executive. You could even start your very own hedge fund! Since Barack Obama is still not regulating the derivatives market, just grab a roll of toilet paper and start writing up derivative contracts for five, ten, even $100 Million dollars. It doesn′t really matter what the derivative is for. You could base it the price of dust lint. Some dummy from a German or Chinese bank will buy it and walk away thinking he gave you the shaft.
For the world is full of ′muppets′, those stupid customers of exotic securities that Goldman Sachs and other investment banks take advantage of every single day. Back in the hey-day, they′d buy anything, even tranches of subprime mortgages that are bound to go bad. Why worry about it? After you purchase one derivative to make a killing if the mortgages pay off, you buy a credit default swap as insurance in case the whole thing goes bust. So you might want to get a second roll of toilet paper to write those credit default swaps on and sell them, too!
Since nobody had all five winning numbers for the Mega Millions March 27, 2012 drawing yesterday, the jackpot is expected to hit $500 Million dollars by the next drawing this Friday. If somebody beats the odds of 176 million to one, then you′ll win the largest ever lottery jackpot in the history of Planet Earth. Tickets are only a dollar, so what is there to lose? Just think of that new home like Mitt Romney is building with the car elevator. If he thinks he deserves one, then so do YOU! So say we all!
March 28th, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Cool, winning this could fund half of Obama’s largesse presidential campaign.
March 29th, 2012 at 5:46 am
If I win the Mega Millions lottery, I’m going to give $10 Million dollars from it to the Newt Gingrich campaign so he can get back in the game and keep swinging!
March 29th, 2012 at 1:27 pm
But every time you buy a ticket, you cut the odds in two, right? Unless it is the same numbers, and I don’t think you’re gonna do that.
Remember that.
March 29th, 2012 at 1:28 pm
That is not exactly true. Liberals have trouble with math.
March 29th, 2012 at 1:41 pm
“But every time you buy a ticket, you cut the odds in two, right?”
No.
Thats like saying you’d win if you bought two..
…idiot
March 29th, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Seriously dude, whats wrong with you ?
March 29th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Klo, each set of numbers has an equal chance of winning. So if I buy 5 sets of different numbers, then the odds of my winning are 5 in 176 Million. Theoretically, if somebody could wager $1 on all 176 Million permutations, then they would be guaranteed a win.
But given that after taxes you’d still only have about $250 Million or so, all you need is one other person to have randomly picked the right numbers to slash your winnings in half and make the venture a net loss. Then I’d have to give Obama $2,400 donation so he funds my phony green energy company with $200 Million in taxpayer dollars to be even again.