I will confess that the only part of Live Earth that I actually viewed live was Melissa Etheridge’s strange athem for Al Gore. That alone was enough to make me go back to the beach. I did watch the “highlights” on one of my High Definition, large energy emittin (ha) channels late last night. Here are my questions and observations:

1. How much energy did these nimwits use worldwide in order to save us earthlings? After wasting time watching this, I have to honestly ask, do we deserve saving?

2. Was everyone aware that a Nazi like oath was required to attend the festivities? Playing the role of Joseph Goebbels will be our own Al Gore!

3. It was humorous watching the musicians give all of us lowly non-celebrities tips on how to save energy. John Mayer made a joke out of it, then it seemed as if he realized that his interviewer was going to pistol whip him. Mayer then gave us the scripted “I used bio diesel fuel in my bus” blah, blah, blah.

4. I was dying for one person, just one person to say, “I save gas by farting in a jar”. Alas, it was not to be.

5. Madonna lecturing us once again. That brings me to my next point.

6. Why don’t we completely outlaw private jets and first class? That way Al Gore and all of his celebrity buddys can really help save the environment. It will be fun seeing these guys fly coach with me. Even though I am not a scientist, I will bet that banning private jets will make a much greater impact than using only 1 square per number 2 use. BTW - my relatives, friends and business associates are telling me that the 1 square thing is not really working for me - or them. I love Cheryl Crow though and will do anything to please her.

7. I am glad that Leo Dicaprio (who was great in The Departed) has ended the global warming debate. Gee, all those scientist who don’t agree with the conclusion that humans are the cause must be a figment of my imagination.

8. The number to call in order to give your hard earned $ to Live Earth is 1-800-bull-crap.

9. It is ironic though that in the past 6 months, I have bought new energy efficient doors and windows and have had trees planted on my property. Perhaps that will be prevent me from being convicted as a denier, taken away to a concentration camp and having my mind reset.

10. Why aren’t they worried about Darfur? Hundreds of thousands dying and the only one who has done a damn thing is George W. Bush. What has Al Gore, Madonna, Bon Jovi, Cheryl Crow or any of these idiots done for those people who are being systematically eliminated from our planet? Which issue should hold more importance?