FoxNews- Roger Baxter survived the Tuesday incident after a cell phone apparently slowed a bullet to his chest. The extremely unlucky Mr.Baxter, who lost his right leg after being hit by a tractor-trailer in October, was returning from getting a haircut when he discovered the man with a gun inside his house. When the robber got within range, Baxter hit the gunman with one of his crutches.

“It’s not my time,” said Baxter, a Vietnam veteran. “I went head to head against a semi back in October and today I went up against a 9 mm and I’m here. I’m just a tough old bird.”

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Seattle PI- An errant computer keystroke led the state of Minnesota to accidentally issue a $2.5 million check to a school counselor. The state’s accounting system was handling money for the Department of Human Services that was intended for the Hennepin County Medical Center when the check was issued to Walker by mistake in March. Walker was in the state’s system because she was once paid $84 as a court witness. Investigators found that Walker’s vendor number in the state system was only one number off the hospital’s nine-digit number.

Walker and her live-in man friend, allegedly bought a $500,000 certificate of deposit, funded two retirement accounts, bought a $500,000 Treasury bond, spent $5,500 on jewelry, $3,817 at Best Buy and $2,069 on limousine services, bought two cars, called the state to report the check, then bought two more cars. Ms. Walker was charged Tuesday with theft by swindle and concealing the proceeds of a crime and remains in jail in lieu of $200,000 bail.

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Seattle PI
- A Catholic priest fired his church’s organist and choir director saying her sale of sex toys was not “consistent with Church teachings.”

According to Linette Servais, 50, who played the organ and sung with the choir for 35 years, much of her work as choir director and organist was done without pay and when her parish priest asked to meet with her, she thought it was to say thank you. Instead, she was told to either quit her sales job with company known as Pure Romance or she could leave her position in the church.

She began working with Pure Romance after a brain tumor and treatment left her sexually dysfunctional. The job allows her to help other women who have similar problems. “After I got over the initial shock, I prayed over this a long time,” she said. “I feel that Pure Romance is my ministry.”

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PMSNBC- A British “artist�? named Mark McGowan managed to choke down a few chunks of a corgi dog, cooked with apples, onions and other seasonings, while appearing on radio show. It appears that this incredible act of stupidity was staged in order for McGowan to protest the royal family’s treatment of animals. It appears that McGowan got royally pissed when he found out Prince Philip had killed a fox during a hunt back in January.

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If you’re planning to be in the vicinity Missoula, Montana during the first week of August, be sure to check out the 25th annual Testicle Festival at the Rock Creek Lodge.

Everyone has a ball at the annual Testicle Festival, often referred to as the Testy Festy, and over the years it has grown to become the largest and most famous testicle festival in North America.

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Be sure to check out TestyFesty.com for details.