Conservative Credits Certificate
Conservative Credits
The Conservative Answer to “Carbon Credits”

In an effort to finally make a positive contribution to society, we here at Right Pundits have decided to share our overabundance of conservativeness with those who are struggling to free themselves from the grip of liberalism threatening their good nature.

Are you feeling liberal today? Have you any inclination to refer to unemployed bums as “the poor�? Are you planning to sell off your gun collection, cheerfully pay your taxes, visit Canada. attend your son’s gay wedding, or (gulp) date a vegetarian?

Right Pundits will hereby grant absolution for your crimes against conservative humanity by issuing you a rare Conservative Credits Certificate.

The Conservative Credits work like this: In the event you have a moment of weakness or suffer from some short term mental defect that causes you to wade into the neurosis of liberalism, you can simply use a Conservative Credit to make amends for your transgression.

To obtain your Conservative Credit, duly confess your sinful liberal transgression in the comments and we will consider absolution for your crime. If we deem you worth saving, a credentialed member of the Right Pundits team will personally take an appropriate action that will offset your liberal offense. The comments of your peers will be given strong consideration.

For example, if your boss takes you out to lunch, and for whatever reason, you feel compelled to order a salad instead of a nice juicy steak, a bona fide conservative will go out behind their house and shoot a squirrel, and once again, all will be right in the universe.

If you are lucky enough to be absolved, a Conservative Credits Certificate will be awarded which will serve as your proof of conservatism should anyone ever suggest again that you are a CINO.

Good luck to each of you.

Small text on certificate reads as follows:

Issuer defines liberal activities as including, but not limited to: participation in antiwar or anti World Bank and/or anarchist demonstration, eating a vegan or organic meal, entering an organic grocery or pet food store, getting rid of your guns, throwing the fish back after catching them, going to hear a speech by Hillary, Obama or Ted Kennedy, or the equivalent, being a professor at Yale, Harvard, Sarah Lawrence College or Bryn Mawr, or equivalent, being on the board of your Homeowners Association, you, your spouse or parent(s) are a minority, gay, or an immigrant, using a “have-a-heart” trap or the like instead of an old fashioned mouse trap, growing lavender in your garden instead of potatoes, or the equivalent, visiting Canada, France or Venezuela, drinking French wine or eating French cheese or anything from France or from which a French person can derive income, saying the word “Godhead” instead of “God,” “Father,” “Yahweh,” or the equivalent, not a NASCAR fan (double if you also hate football), if you are from or ever having lived in the states of: MA, CT, RI, DE, NJ, MD, MI, MN, WI, or HI, or currently live in the city limits of a town larger than 500,000 people, with the exception of Salt Lake City Utah, you work in the following professions: public school teacher, social worker, SPCA worker, ACLU attorney, Unitarian pastor, environmentalist, or the like, or you simply don’t work for a living at all. It is further understood that the above categories are not implicated as exclusively as liberal in scope, however, conservative credits will be granted, as these categories are generally considered to be and are often associated with liberal causes and/or agendas. Additionally, persons who write long-winded disclaimers will also be sent a Conservative Credit so their fellow persons in poorer walks of life may have a chance at fulfillment in life too.

Trackposted to Outside the Beltway, Perri Nelson’s Website, The Virtuous Republic, Is It Just Me?, The Pet Haven Blog, Stuck On Stupid, , Leaning Straight Up, The Amboy Times, Pursuing Holiness, Pet’s Garden Blog, Rightlinx, The Magical Rose Garden, third world county, Woman Honor Thyself, Stageleft, stikNstein… has no mercy, Pirate’s Cove, The Pink Flamingo, Dumb Ox Daily News, Right Voices, Blog @ MoreWhat.com, The Random Yak, A Blog For All, guerrilla radio, 123beta, Adam’s Blog, Cao’s Blog, Phastidio.net, The Bullwinkle Blog, , Conservative Cat, , Diary of the Mad Pigeon, Faultline USA, Allie Is Wired, The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns, The World According to Carl, Walls of the City, Blue Star Chronicles, Planck’s Constant, The Right Perspective, CORSARI D’ITALIA, High Desert Wanderer, OTB Sports, The Yankee Sailor, and Gone Hollywood, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.