Apparently this is going to be a weekly feature of mine until a hurricane lubricates the Confederate states, so bear with me. My yard abuts a bayou, so I guess I have to start training my yellow lab that the catfish she catches are not just good eating but provide plenty of oily nutrients to keep her fur glossy.

Anyway, there was a rumor today on the radio that Obama plans to throw tens of billions of dollars to Louisiana to rebuild our wetlands. The first thought that entered my head was ‘Yippee, I’ll never pay state or local taxes again.’ You see, down here we whine about the loss of wetlands but nobody means it. For over 20 years, we’ve sold wetlands to oil companies and watched the bayous wither away, but we don’t care, because they pay the state royalties to ravage our kids’ heritage. This would be similar to California saying ‘Please, sir, chop down Yosemite’ or Kentucky saying ‘We have some really neat caves to put all of your recyclables. They’re so big, we call them Mammoth Caves.’ But that’s the way we like to think down here. Why worry about tomorrow, somebody else can do that? I’ve never once heard a Louisiana politician say that what the state should do is make the oil companies that fill up the wetlands with oil wells set up new wetlands to replace them. That’s not the way we roll.

A number of weeks ago BP gave Louisiana $25 million to clean out the places initially tarred and feathered. Bobby Jindal spent $3 million of that, the rest went into the budget to help in balancing it for this fiscal year. You see, our state budget is a mess right now. Jindal wants to be selected as the VP nominee in 2012, so every year, we get our taxes cut. But this caused a revenue shortfall, so we need all the cash we can get to balance it. An interesting sidebar: Louisiana actually has a ton of money in the bank, which we call the rainy day fund, but under an interesting rule, only 10% of it can be used in any one year. That’s right, while we were begging money from anything that could move after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, we had a lot of money that we weren’t allowed to touch. Sorry, folks.

My final thought on the spill this week is this. We often hear about the lack of bipartisanship among politicians. Well, bipartisanship is alive and well in the Deep South. There has been remarkable unanimity among politicians calling for a resumption of deep sea drilling. This moratorium must end now or else the United States will get their oil elsewhere. I’m a little confused at this. If we have a nonrenewable resource and some other nation has a nonrenewable resource, and we use theirs and keep ours, isn’t that even a little smart?

But that argument will never convince anyone. How about this one instead? For every state that says they want to resume drilling, have their legislature and governor sign an authorization that they will never seek federal assistance if there is another catastrophe. They agree to fix it themselves. In other words, you bought it, you fix it.