Tonight is one of the nights every year when media elites, governmental figures, Hollywood celebrities, and other curiosities get together to congratulate each other for a job well done. I can see why this is fun for them; it’s always good fun for me to get together with my friends and let the rest of the world’s troubles fade into the woodwork. I also see why having an unemployment rate approaching 10% for so long wouldn’t bother them. They’ve spent so much time trying to convince us that this is a long-term change to the American economy that the rest of us should just get used to. But they’re all doing well, now that they saved Wall Street from the mob outside the gates.

But sometimes anachronisms like this gathering should be at least delayed for awhile. Obama is apparently gonna stand in front of this elite gathering and do a stand-up routine for the humor of the elite throng. Here’s two one-liners I’ll offer him free of charge:

I’m authorizing Tide detergent to be sent to everyone who lives in the Gulf; we expect each of them to clean every bird that washes away on their driveway.

I’ve authorized off-shore drilling. Looks like a lot of people living on the Gulf will have their own private oil well to take advantage of this policy.

Sometimes, even the privileged have to have some sense of decorum when a cyclical variation occurs that affects such a vast swath of the nation. I understand, nobody down here can read or write, most of us are just drunks, we are just fodder who are lucky to find jobs plucking chickens. My guess is that none of the party people will really care until one of their vacation haunts is adversely affected, maybe a posh resort east of Pensacola. If not then, certainly when the spill makes it all the way to the southern tip of Florida the elites will really care and we’ll hear all about how this affects them. One of my favorite news stories every year is when a movie star who built a home on the edge of a Pacific cliff finds it falling into the ocean. Now there’s a story that affects a lot of people.

I don’t want to put a damper on anyone’s fun, but maybe, just maybe, Obama could cancel his appearance. I’m sure most of the gathering will not even notice with the additives lubricating their body. So, President Obama, just say no.

I remember not too long ago, President Bush showed up at the festivities and, for his comedy act, pretended to look for weapons of mass destruction under chairs. For those in the room, raucous laughter ensued. For those of us who had family severely injured or killed in the war, the humor was a little too droll for our liking. But our job is to provide the soldiers, their job is to tell us why we should be grateful that we had the chance to do so. I hear Obama is coming down tomorrow to survey the damage. But tonight, he’s gonna party all night long.