The County Board of Supervisors in Santa Clara is considering a Happy Meal Toy ban. It seems this bastion of self preservation and freedom believes that banning toys in meals with more than 485 calories will promote a healthier lifestyle for all the little kiddies out there. If I may, I have a better way of going about this for all you big government, nanny state libs out there.

If you really want to enforce your will upon everyone, and nix the fast food trips for the youngsters, a happy meal toy ban is probably a good start. I know from experience that my kids love the toys found in happy meals. Like one story I read in the San Francisco Chronicle, my kids will hound my wife and I daily until they have amassed the entire collection of whatever toy happens to be promoting whatever movie of the moment.

But just as the Santa Clara Board of Supervisors demonstrates, they’re going about it all wrong. Instead of using good health as a pretext for a happy meal ban, use the hatred that most parents have for these toys as your ally. If I’m like most parents, we hate these toys because they end up in pieces, scattered about the house. I’ve stepped on more than my share in the middle of the night.

While cleaning my son’s room, I’ve found more than enough unopened happy meal toys to start my own eBay business. Needless to say they usually go directly into the landfill. Also talk about the amount of money that parents could save without the daily trips to McDonald’s. If my kids are like most, they order the happy meal strictly for the toy and the food, for the most part, goes to waste.

Please Santa Clara, be practical. Don’t use some feigned concern over our kid’s health as your main cause for instituting a happy meal toy ban. Tell us how you’ll save us $25-50 dollars a week or save us the time and effort of cleaning up the happy meal toy mess left after the newness wears off. But don’t waste our time by pretending to care about fat kids or poor nutrition. That only irritates us; maybe even to the point of doubling our consumption of happy meals.