Fashion has taken an ugly, apocalyptic turn. Models have been singled out, despite the evidence that most don’t eat flatulence-producing beef or any food at all really, by the UN Office on Drugs and Crime as major contributors to global warming due to their Colombian-forest-destroying cocaine use.
“Europeans know they shouldn’t buy blood diamonds or clothes made by slaves in sweatshops,” said Antonio Maria Costa, chief of the UN Office on Drugs and Drime. “Yet with cocaine the opposite occurs. Worse still, models who wouldn’t dare to wear a tiger fur coat show no qualms about flaunting their cocaine use.”
Not only can they not eat, the UN government is asking them to stop snorting. According to the Mirror News UK, cocaine usage is devastating Colombian rainforests because trees were being removed to make room for coca plants.
Since the non-dictator Hugo Chavez, a neighbor to Colombia, apparently has no control over aiding South America in halting their destruction of the planet, another move by the Venezuelan…um…Ambassador Sean Penn is no doubt proud of, the only other move to save the planet is to stop the models.
Group chairman Keith Vaz said: “We were horrified to learn for every few lines of cocaine snorted in a London club, four square metres of rainforest is destroyed.”
London clubbers are also being targeted. And the home affairs select committee members are asking the police to get tougher, use more hand-held drug tracing machines, and hunt down the models and clubbers.
This call to action comes, not after the 235 sudden cocaine-related deaths in 2008, the fact cocaine contributes to heart disease, brain erosion, and is overall just an unhealthy lifestyle choice and physically unattractive when coating your nostrils, but as a desperate plea to save the Colombian rainforest.