Work is tough to find. In this world economy, you have to take what you can get. If that means working the McDonald’s drive-thru, you do it. If that means blowing yourself up, you do it. One job is pretty much like the next.

To show their commitment to job creation, the Obama White House – along with Japan and Britain – are reportedly working tirelessly to stimulate job growth, grants, and other amenities to Taliban terrorists in Afghanistan.

These people need jobs. The unemployment rates for killers and suicide bombers has really skyrocketed in the previous eight years.

Obama’s newest job creations bill will only cost $1 billion.

Al Jazeera has learnt that a plan is being considered to pay up to $1bn to Taliban fighters to persuade them to lay down their arms.
In advance of an international conference in London to discuss Afghanistan’s future on Thursday, Japan, the United States and Britain are said to be leading the proposal.
The scheme would offer cash, jobs and other incentives to the Taliban and fighters in other armed groups.
“The sum could be as much as between $500m and $1bn over the next five years”, Al Jazeera’s James Bays, reporting from London, said.

First objective on the list is to repair those Afghanistan roads and bridges. Get shovel ready jobs going.

Parts of the funds would be spent on projects to develop the fighters’ villages and building roads to their communities, he said.

The money will be to purchase the Taliban fighters’ morality and persuade them to leave the murderous Taliban – who will absolutely not retaliate because that’s just not their style – and live peaceful lives in the pocket of the government their very hard-core religious beliefs call the “Great Satan.”

Government officials are convinced that repairing potholes and offering free goats will undo generations of “Death to America” propaganda. It’s too bad Bush didn’t think of it first. Or even Clinton. A little under the table briefcase drop and thousands of years of religious extremism would have vanished. Thankfully, we’re now being ruled by smart power.

Quoting the Afghan finance minister, Bays said: “Many people are not actually fighting for the Taliban but alongside the Taliban because of poverty and other local concerns, because of tribal issues.”
“They [those supporting reconciliation] are hoping they may be able to peel these people away from the Taliban while, at the same time, conducting talks on a much higher level with the leaderships of the Taliban and the Hezb-e-Islami.”

Make sure you understand the distinction. Many people are not fighting “for” the Taliban but “alongside” the Taliban. They also aren’t killing innocent civilians or American soldiers “for” the Taliban, only “alongside” them.

For the Taliban leadership, if they’ll stop fighting there will be management positions, universal health care, and union wages. War should end any day now.

Thus far, everything is going exactly according to plan.

LONDON (Reuters) – Members of the Taliban’s leadership council have met secretly with the United Nations representative for Afghanistan to discuss the possibility of laying down their arms, a U.N. official said on Thursday.

And we can, of course, believe them. Just like those 61 freed Gitmo detainees who absolutely did not, under any circumstances, immediately rejoin the Taliban.

“They requested a meeting to talk about talks. They want protection, to be able to come out in public. They don’t want to vanish into places like Bagram,” the official said, referring to a detention centre at the main U.S. military base in Afghanistan.

Heaven forbid. We’d hate for their lives to be disrupted or negatively affected by fighting “alongside” savage terrorists. All they really wanted was to stay at home and raise corn.

I think we should try this on serial killers. Instead of offering money for their arrest, offer money to them. If they’ll stop attacking women in dark alleys, the government will set them up with a home off Cape Code and a respectable retirement package.