How did these guys ever win? I just finished skimming Nicholas Kristof’s column in the New York Times called Ten Suggestions For Rescuing The Bush Legacy. It is a veritable driver’s manual for liberal nonsensical poopy-talk, a meatloaf of mushy and spectacularly naive liberal ideas. And to think that enough people voted for their Democratic candidates to give these guys a bigger voice. God help us all.

Normally I just laugh at liberals because I think everyone else gets it too. Today I am angry, and I believe that I am angry because of the election results. Apparently not everyone can see through the transparent futility of a Rodney King foreign policy and pop socialism. Liberals like Nicholas Kristof now think they have a mandate for proposing their liberal tomfoolery once again. Been there, done that, haven’t we?

So here are Nicholas Kristof’s deep thoughts for how to rescue the Bush Presidency in 2007:

First, seriously engage Iraq’s nastier neighbors, including Iran and Syria, and renounce permanent military bases in Iraq. None of that will solve the mess in Iraq. But these steps will suggest that you are belatedly trying to listen and are willing to give diplomacy a chance. They may also help at the margins: renouncing bases is a simple move that has no downside and will make it harder for Iraqi militants to argue that Americans are just out to steal Iraqi oil and grab military bases.

He throws “nasty” into the column just so we know he isn’t a foreign policy wienie. And then he proposes Talk to no end. It won’t help, he says, but let’s talk anyway. Talk talk talk talk talk. You see, that’s the way of liberal faculty lounges extended outward to infinite space. Suggest Nike’s new slogan: Just Talk. And while we’re talking for no reason, give up our bases for no reason, which are one tangible long-term benefit of the war.

Second, start an intensive effort to bring peace to the Middle East. Work with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia to flesh out his peace proposals. And vigorously back the Geneva Accord approach to an Israeli-Palestinian peace, since everybody knows that is what a final peace deal will look like. Frankly, it seems unlikely that peace is going to break out anytime soon in the Middle East, but there is a huge dividend for America’s image if we at least try.

Let’s see: “at least try.” Well, that’s better than “just talk” but old Kristof says it won’t work anyway. Well, he’s right it won’t work, so why is he proposing it? Because it feels good, and that’s what matters most to a foreign policy-challenged liberal. When did liberals get the idea that all world problems must be solved by the United States of America. When did it ALL become George Bush’s fault?

Third, confront the genocide in Darfur. President Bill Clinton has said that the biggest regret of his administration is not responding to the Rwandan genocide, and someday you — and your biographers — will rue your lame response to Darfur. For starters, how about inviting the leaders of Britain, France, China, Egypt and Saudi Arabia to travel with you to Darfur and Chad to see firsthand the women who have been mutilated and raped, the men whose eyes have been gouged out? Follow that up with a no-fly zone, an international force to prop up Chad and the Central African Republic, and a major push for an internal peace among Darfur tribes.

It’s all Bush’s fault. Got that already. But what is this remarkably liberal need to always experience things “first hand” ? They shirk concepts, generalities, models and reports in favor of whatever they can see and smell today. There is a word for people who can’t function without being in the center of things: narcissists.

Fourth, encourage Dick Cheney to look pale in public. Then he can resign on health grounds, and you can appoint Condi Rice or Bob Gates to take his place. Mr. Cheney has been the single worst influence on your foreign policy, as well as the most polarizing figure in your administration. There’s no better move you could make to signal a new beginning than to accept Mr. Cheney’s resignation.

Okay, Kristof is trying to be funny. I’m guessing he had 7 or 8 “good” ideas, and didn’t want to publish the article without 10. Liberals prefer the familiarity of round numbers. Memo to Kristof: Cheney is qualified to be President. He has the experience and good judgment to ignore the whimsical ideals of liberals blowing in the wind. That’s why he is the Vice President. Sorry you feel “polarized.” I don’t feel polarized, and I don’t consider it an important feeling. Has anyone seriously felt “polarized” ever?

Fifth, revive the theme of compassionate conservatism by extending your excellent five-year AIDS program (while not being so squeamish about condoms in the future). And above all, work with Europe to promote incentives for business investment in Africa, modeled after the African Growth and Opportunity Act program. The best hope to raise Africa’s standard of living is to nurture factories manufacturing clothing, shoes and toys for export.

Fund world socialism. Got it. Interesting how the biggest spender since FDR is finally getting some credit from liberals. But the lesson for future Republican presidents who run on a big spending (“compassionate”) platform is that it won’t be enough for the socialists, ever.

Sixth, address climate change. Nobody expects you to be an Al Gore, but you sully America’s image when you run away from any serious attempt to curb carbon emissions.

Address climate change? “Hello climate change.” By the way, didn’t Al Gore have his chance already?

Seventh, put aside those thoughts of a military strike on Iranian nuclear sites, and make it clear to Israel that we oppose it conducting such an attack. A strike would set back Iran’s nuclear programs by only five years or so, but it would consolidate hard-line rule there for at least 25 years.

Apparently Kristof doesn’t understand that the US signed on to the Security Council resolution which explicitly took the military option off the table. That was a mistake, but we did it.

Eighth, instead of giving up on Social Security, revive the reform proposals that President Clinton urged in 1999. That does mean bringing the budget back into black ink, which will mean phasing out some tax cuts for the wealthy.

Oh I see. A major legislative proposal by a lame duck president. Earth to Nicholas Kristof: Your Democratic friends control congress now so they get to propose the legislation. That’s the way things work constitutionally.

Ninth, address our disgraceful inequities in health care. You could push for comprehensive coverage for children up to age 5 (as President Jimmy Carter tried to achieve a generation ago), and for almost zero cost you could mount a public health campaign to tackle obesity in children. Mike Huckabee, the Republican governor of Arkansas, has shown how state governments can fight diabetes and obesity, and you should take his approach nationwide.

More socialism. Uncle! Make him stop!

Tenth, don’t toss this newspaper to the floor and curse the press for your unpopularity. Instead, borrow from your playbook after you lost the New Hampshire primary in 2000 — grit your teeth, retool and steal ideas from your critics and rivals. It worked then, and it just might help in 2007.

The New York Times is a biased and recently bad newspaper, belayed by the writings of Kristof and others and an editorial policy that intentionally commingles news and opinion. One doesn’t have to throw it to the floor. Just unsubscribe like everyone else is doing.

All excerpts are from Ten Suggestions for Rescuing the Bush Legacy, By Nicholas D. Kristof, The New York Times

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