I have the great pleasure at teaching at one of the great law institutes in our country, Washington University. Normally Wash U, and many other law schools, are known for their hotbed of liberalism. However, here is an enterprising young student who has written a divorce agreement for America. I must find that I agree with many of the sentiments expressed here, where do I sign?
DIVORCE AGREEMENT (Written by a young law student)
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Love it. But the wacky left will find it full of hate speech. Good. I hope they do.
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Sorry Law Student and an American, but Wall Street- and, as Mr. McAfee points out, the country’s universities, belong to the left. Remember, the educated elite? The educated population resides in the cities of the left, not in the small town utopia that intoxicates in the right’s collective imagination. The left will keep the educated elite with your blessing, I’m sure. You can have your obese, farm-subsidy-dependent (though we will no longer be paying the bill), ignorant, “proud to be a redneck,” meth-head towns. Oh, and if you’re taking the right to bear arms and “hammer” countries that you feel threaten you, we’ll keep the right of women to choose to take birth control and to terminate pregnancies in the first trimester. That means you can also can take your hypocritical “small government” talk out of our bedrooms and our bodies. And good riddance.
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Sorry Tara, but the fact is that more Republicans/conservatives have more education, while you are correct that that more pointy head elitists who live in academia tend to be liberals.
If you guys are so smart, why is every single large city in this country like Detroit, Baltimore, St. Louis, etc., been run into the ground. They have the poorest health-care, the poorest literacy rate, the worst education records etc., yet Democrats have been running these cities for 40 years now. Nice track record.
Conservatives don’t care about your bodies or your bedrooms, do what you want. I just don’t want to pay for it.
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:25 pm
I dunno arrogant law student, have you ever gone and ridden on the back of a fire truck and put out a blazing fire with firemen? Have you even worked at a job in a big company? What sorts of summer jobs have you worked at? Why do you assume oprah or michael moore speaks for centrists? This country is predominantly centrist, with a virulent right and left wing that entrains the media, but those of us who really work for a living feel you don’t represent us well at all, so why do you want the power? Why do you want the power at all? America should not be a narcissits venue to power and fame and glory. It should be about living in a productive and happy place that has time “for both.” Reframe your arguement, cause its skewed.
March 4th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Tara,
Having come from a rural background, I find it laughable that you ass-ume that rural folks are all obese.
Not saying there aren’t obese people everywhere, but it’s kind of hard to maitain that kind of body fat working on a farm.
As for the abortion remarks – the originator of the article seems to assume you can do as you please regarding that subject.
In a decade or so, when you’re birth rates can’t replace your population mortality rate and the lefties are all having to import foreign workers to keep their economy afloat, we’ll be bouncing our babies on our laps and enjoying life without having to deal with condescending liberal attitudes….
March 4th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Tara is so far above us that she knows things about us we don’t even know. She speaks nothing but the love and tolerance of the modern democrat party.
Because we conservatives are all products of incest, we did know she was speaking love and tolerance. We all of that I wish i’s coult bees a libral too jus lik tira is. I’s bet ya she ways clus to 100 pounds. Wayt. Is that alot? i can’t know!
Tara you are so full of hate that I pray (yes pray to God) that you get rid of all the anger.
March 4th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
(chuckling with disbelief). Ah, so when conservative youngsters write ridiculous, exaggerated, and disdainful nonsense about liberals, they’re- what was the word- enterprising, but if a liberal throws back a little hyperbole, she’s got “hate” in her heart. George, I believe you were the one who said you hoped liberals found “hate speech” in the silly thing. But you keep praying. Hey, I’d love not to feel anger about any of this anymore. I’m just sick and tired of the hypocrisy. I’m no bigger snob than you. And last time I checked, conservatives still cared about preventing women from having abortions and taking birth control. I believe one of those conservatives is the former mayor of the meth capital of the country, whose teenage daughter recently publicly stated that she wished she could have waited ten years to have a baby. I’ll just retreat to my snobbish life where the taxes I pay go to support young mothers like her. And you just keep praying, George.
March 4th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Tara,
If you are talking about Brisol Palin, she said she wished she had waited but never considered an abortion. So yes you are a typical liberal because you twist the truth to fit your point.
And as for abortion, there are really a few ways not to have to have one. But you are not interested in that. You think your life is yours. You worship creation and not the creator. If you had a personal relationship with Christ, you would know that each life was planned long before the womb and you would not want any child killed.
And yes you are spewing hate with you smart mouth cracks about rednecks, farm-subsidy-dependent, obese and meth labs.
You should get a copy of the U S Constitution and read it. You might find out you are wrong on a lot of things. But you will never admit it.
March 4th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Tara,
Here is what Bristol said.
Bristol also warned about the dangers of teen pregnancy and said that she should have waited 10 years before having children.
“Of course I wish it would happen in like 10 years so I could have a job and education and my own house… But he brings so much joy. I don’t regret it at all.”
This is me. If it is not a child, you are not pregnant. If you are not pregnant, you don’t need an abortion.
March 5th, 2009 at 8:04 am
To touch on Bristol’s interview, she was acknowledging the fact that the schools should be teaching abstinence but that it was impossible because the lefty’s prefer the path of teaching sex education and the distribution of birth control. This promtes sexual behvior more than it discourages it and Bristol fell victim to this. As to Tara’s remarks about the educated elite, simply regurgitating the idea’s taught in today’s politically corrected text books and left leaning universities does not necessarily make anyone “smarter” than anyone else (our elite educated congress and newly elected President are already running our country into the ground). Tara’s comments demonstrate a perfect example of the spoiled child-like attitude of todays left (thinking they’re above everyone else) and only serves to justify the Divorce Agreement article’s intentions.
March 5th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Well put Jay. Tara is more likely the child of rich parents that bought her things because they were to busy to raise her. She raised herself and is now just like her parents. I get this from the post she makes. I have a cousin like that. Her parents gave her everything and then some. Now she is in the real world and has found it is different. She is bitter and angry and yes I am sorry to say a liberal. She is anti-conservative, pro-Obama, pro-abortion, pro gay rights and will not listen to anyone.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Tara displays the typical baby boomer attitude (which has only intensified with Gen X) that has become the hallmark of the left. My personal theory is that after WWII and the Great Depression, the so-called Greatest Generation was so devastated that they tried to shield their kids from any and all pain. So, as a result, the baby boomers are the most spoiled, divorced from reality group of individuals ever born, hence the radical 60s, the malaise of the 70’s until we finally regained some normalcy in the 80s (at least to some extent).
Now the BB’s are retiring and the new generation is nearly as bad because as horrific as the Greatest Generation was at raising their kids, BBs are 10 times worse. Thus we first end up with a president who is getting somkers in the Oval Office and no one seems to see anything wrong with it (its not our business, its his personal life) and then end up with a president who has absolutely no experience, no qualification or any idea what he is doing, but he looks cool and generally fills the role from central casting. You see, when you are basically raised by a television set, you expect the black president from 24, but instead you get some guy who gave our greatest ally a set of DVDs as a gift. Keep up the good work left, pretty soon you’ll have your wish, we will all live like Cubans.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Bryan,
My parents grew up during the depression. I have 3 sisters. Before my dad passed away in 1992, we were talking about how they raised us. I asked how they did it on what they made. My dad said the he and my mother sacrificed their needs for ours. They tried to always get us what we wanted for Christmas and birthdays. It was fun just waiting for that special day to come. We didn’t have a lot of excess, but we were taught to appreciate and take care of what we had. That things cost time and money.
I still to this day do that. It drives my kids crazy because the think that you should recycle and buy a new one. The memories I have growing up are good ones and worth more then money.
My parents instilled in us a pride in God, Family and America. My dad was in WWII and said that even as ugly as it was, it was necessary to remove evil and allow other people the opportunity to live free and have control over their lives.
Generation X for the most part does not understand sacrifice. It takes 5 minutes of watching some of these reality shows on WE and MTV, etc. My wife watches Bridezilla and OMG, these girls are so spoiled and I feel sorry for the groom.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Of course there are exceptions to my theory, there were obviously some good parents. But there has to be a reason that many of the BB’s turned out the way they did.
March 5th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I must say the more you write the more amused I am. The anger has melted away- perhaps thanks to George’s prayers. Please continue to invent my life story, background, opinions and ignorance of the Constitution according to your own prejudices. Generation X- you presume you know what generation I belong to. I am older than you assume. Perhaps your senior. But be my guest. Entertain yourselves at my expense, and then congratulate yourselves upon your moral superiority. I’m sleeping easy tonight.
March 6th, 2009 at 7:10 am
Great comments by George and Bryan. Bryan’s comment “raised by a tv set” reminded me that this year’s election was like another sad segment of American Idol, nothing more that a popularity contest. When I asked Obama supporters why they were voting for him no one had a significant answer. No one could tell me what “change” was except that it wasn’t George Bush. They follow today’s liberal media like a bunch of lemmings and can’t think for themselves. In a discussion with one woman I listed the reasons why I thought what Obama was planning to do if elected would ruin this country and her reply was “oh…he’s just saying that”!?! These people aren’t even embarrassed about their lack of cohesive thought. I already know of two people who admit they were “duped” into voting for him but it’s a little too late for apologies.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Best thing I have read in a long time.
March 7th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Jay, but it’s change you can believe in.
Hire lobbyists – yes we can!
Sign bills with 8500 earmarks – yes we can!
Abandon and insult our allies – yes we can!
July 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Dear Conservatives,
Well, if this is what it’s come to, fine. Sorry it didn’t work out.
We progressives would prefer to stick with our family values and work things out rather than go through a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. We always believe things can be worked out.
However, since your history is slavery, segregation, the degradation of women, and misrepresenting Christianity (any conservative decree that involves demonizing liberals and invoking the Bible is completely undone by the fact that Jesus Christ was probably the biggest liberal in human history), and being quite aware of the fact that the divorce rate is higher amongst conservatives than with “liberals”, we just may consider your offer.
We liberals may have our heads in the clouds (what with our optomistic and hopeful view of the future), but fortunately (for us) and unfortunately (for you), we have the lion’’s share of the lawyers. Now lawyers are tricky devils, and they tell me you forgot to divide some rather important property. Should you agree to the following, I’m sure our divorce will be fair and amicable and we won’’t put up too much of a fuss:
First:
We progressives will take and accept all Americans, including the ones you deem unacceptable due to race, religion, sexual orientation, or political ideology. Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to us, we are the ones that lift our lamp beside the golden door.
To these people we will provide the best public education system in the world. Through education we will bring millions out of poverty to create a vibrant middle class. We will provide universal health care so that no family has to worry about medical expenses ruining life as they know it. We will provide social programs that build stronger communities and create productive citizens. We will invest in infrastructure to build roads, bridges, schools, libraries and public parks. We will ensure our citizens are paid a living wage. We will use a tax code that allows all Americans to have an acceptable standard of living. This will work for us since red states, on average, spend more federal dollars than they take in, and blue states, on average, bring in more federal dollars than they spend. Over 80% of ‘€œred states’€ receive more federal aid each year than they pay in federal taxes (www.taxfoundation.org). So glad you won’t be freeloading off of us any longer.
Second:
You take high gasoline prices and mega houses, and we’ll take electric cars, solar panels, and wind mills. We’’ll put up with some short term sacrifices so that so we aren’’t supporting the mega rich oil nations that are bent on our destruction. You can continue to do business with the House of Saud. You can keep your SUVs and the corresponding dependence on foreign oil. Our citizens will drive their fuel efficient cars and use public transportation while enjoying cleaner air, a smaller gasoline bill, and foreign policy that isn’’t beholden to OPEC. We’ll work to properly insulte and install energy efficiency measures in all building and construction so our familes can stay comfortable without spending a fortune on heating and cooling bills. We’ll generate elctricity through the power of the tides rather than despoil our beautiful coastline by putting up polluting offshore oil derricks. As for ANWAR, we will gladly accept it and add it to our pristine environment that was preserved through environmentally friendly practices and renewable resources.
Third:
We’’ll take the open source programmers, and the other denizens of Silicon Valley, all those hippies who invented the personal computer, like Stve Jobs and Bill Gates, and you can take the graduates of Bob Jones University who believe man walked with dinosaurs. Of course, you won’’t have any vaccines or antibiotics for infectious diseases since those medicines are developed solely on the theory of evolutionary biology, but we’’ll cede to you the ‘“laying on of hands’” for your medical R&D. And let us not forget that your conservative legislators can simply pass laws against viruses or bacterium. Wow, conservatives really do have a comprehensive medical plan!
Fourth:
As it appears that you are not familiar with common geography, perhaps this is due to Republican efforts to cut funding for public schools, Wall Street will stay with us (for better or worse), as it is located in New York City which you initially conceded along with Chicago, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. However, we will regulate Wall Street so that greedy traders do not gamble with the retirement accounts of our citizens.
Fifth:
Remember that Universal Health Care is our baby. We sincerely hope you will find a job that will give you health care and hasn’’t gone obsolete or been shipped overseas.
Sixth:
I don’’t think you can take all of the Armed Forces. Colin Powell and the other Obama supporters in the Armed Forces (over 45%) will probably come with us. Therefore we will not concede the military to you because we also serve in the military and support our troops. We are not opposed to all wars, just unnecessary and avoidable wars. We will use our military to effectively fight terrorism, not invade unrelated countries and in turn create more terrorists and Arab angst. Please also be aware that we will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t recognize their children’s sacrifices by not showing pictures of their caskets coming home.
Do you really not hate wars?
Seventh:
We will support the arts and have a thriving culture created by a community of writers, artists, musicians, and philosophers. We will gladly keep Hollywood and any other form of free speech deemed unacceptable or unpatriotic by your fascist state. If there are any books that you want to burn, simply send them to us. Our citizens will be entertained and intellectually stimulated while yours will simply be fed mindless propaganda.
I would imagine that when we take all the ““liberal” Hollywood producers, you’’ll find a number of conservatives who crossover to see their favorite TV programs or big budget films. TV and movies made by conservatives don’t play so well with the masses, liberal or conservative. And I’m betting that more time is spent by conservatives watching TV and movies than reading the Bible and going to church.
As for food, we in the blue states will be just fine. What’s that, you haven’t heard? California is the # 5 agricultural producer in the entire world, and the # 1 state by far in terms of agricultural production. Throw in the other blue states and we’ll have plenty of food, increasingly organically grown, to keep us, and our natural environment, healthy and happy. Yes its true, we do have farms. Lots of them. In case you didn’t realize, almonds, grapes, lettuce, apples, oranges, pineapples, banana and a slew of other products, are grown almost exclusively in blue states. Blue states control 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of pineapple and lettuce production, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French or Argentinian wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese production.
Of course, the red states won’t have their agriculture supported by the blue states any more. No more farm subsidies financed by blue state tax dollars. No one to sell your excess crops to. But you’ll have plenty of high-fructose corn syrup!
Sincerely Yours,
A Proud, Patriotic, & Progressive, (& Thinking) American who reads the Bible, loves his family, and works his tail off to provide for them