Proving once again that moms are the brutal force behind naming children, the “top 10″ baby names of 2006 were revealed today. Never before has such a collection of wienie and floozy names been seen in the same place! You really want your son to be Noah? What’s an Aiden? Ever known a Logan?
How do you spell Kaitlyn, ma’am? Say it again please, and slowly. Are you sure Ava doesn’t begin with an E? Your daughter may like her strange name so much that she will want to catfight about it like Mariah Carey.
No Peter, Paul, or Mary. No Andrew, James, John, Philllip, or Thomas. No Rachel, Catherine, or Karen.
Sigh, I’m not saying it is all mom’s fault. If dads would simply reassert their primacy within the family unit, these things wouldn’t happen.
So these people completed their annual survey of top baby names for 2006:
What do these baby names have in common? For one, lots of letter I’s and Y’s on the girls side, like the unnecessary purchases made during a mommy’s shopping spree. Note that letter Y is so superfluous that it isn’t even included in the Italian alphabet.
Want to doom your child to forever spelling her name over the phone to incompetent customer service people? Go ahead, just name her Hailey or Kaitlyn.
The other thing they have in common, of course, is that no dad picked these names. Not one. Well okay, maybe Jack, but that’s it.