Once in a while I need a break from writing about politics. So what could be better than an article on television? Well, folks, if you want to get a chuckle from the worst, most fake TV show being aired, check out ″Mountain Monsters″ on the Destination America channel. This show is so bad that even I cannot find the right words to describe just how bad it is! I′d like to say that its a cross between ″Duck Dynasty″ and ″Kolchak: The Night Stalker″. But, I′m afraid that such a statement would be a compliment!
Destination American carries a bunch of shows like ″Mountain Monsters″. They have ″Alaska Monsters″, ″Killing Bigfoot″, plus a whole bunch of ghost-hunter and paranormal shows. I may be wrong, but ″Finding Bigfoot″, which currently airs on the Animal Planet Network, may have originated from Destination America. Otherwise, I suspect that they are all part of the same conglomerate.
″Mountain Monsters″ follows the antics of six guys from West Virginia who go around hunting monsters in the Appalachians. They look for cave dwelling creatures, half-wolf-half-lion, and, of course, some Sasquatch types. Some of these Bigfoot monsters are unique to their local areas. In West Virginia, they have one they call ′Yahoo′, while in Ohio, they call theirs ′Grassman′. If you ask me, these yahoos are smoking too much grass, Man!
The plot is simple. A group of red-necked hicks armed with rifles and shotguns wander around the woods at night looking for monsters. Unlike ″Finding Bigfoot″ and ″Killing Bigfoot″, where those hicks never really see their monsters, the guys from ″Mountain Monsters″ get knocked around in their close encounters. The monsters throw rocks and tree branches at them, one grabbed a dude in a cave and dragged him around. Another guy got hurt when ′Grassman′ knocked out a door escaping a barn, sending the 300-plus pound monster hunter to the hospital bleeding with a concussion.
Was ′Grassman′ episode was particularly funny. Two of the hunters visited their ′Uncle Leroy′, who has a junkyard in his backyard, to build a trap to capture Grassman, a 10-foot tall, red-haired Bigfoot. But Uncle Leroy wasn′t home, apparently it was his day to check in with his probation officer! So the trap-builders had to leave a note informing Uncle Leroy that they borrowed his ′Party Van′ and turned into into a Grassman trap. But the trap failed as Grassman allegedly busted his way out through the roof after turning the van over on its side while trapped inside of it. Unfortunately, there were no cameramen around to record this because the boys were chasing another Grassman, or Yahoo, in some nearby hay barn.
I swear, with programs like ″Mountain Monsters″, the Destination America channel is worse than Viceland TV. Next time Action Branson wants to do a show where his buddies sit around smoking weed while watching TV, instead of watching reruns of ″Ancient Aliens″, they should watch ″Mountain Monsters″. I used to consider ″Svenghoolie″ on MeTV as the worst show, as it is really bad and not funny at all. ″Mountain Monsters″ does have its humorous moments, but once you seen one faked monster attack, its hard to chuckle at the next one. Still, I suppose if you have absolutely nothing better to do, it may be worth a watch so long as you have some really good booze or weed on hand.
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