Jeb Bush has a plan to win the 2016 Iowa Caucus. Or, at least not lose too badly. Part of his new, 6-point strategy involves wooing South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham! Why, you ask? When Graham dropped out of the 2016 GOP presidential race, Bush quickly picked up some 20, count′em, 20 endorsements from Graham supporters. Oooh! Jeb must have gotten all of Graham′s supporters then! So will this new strategy succeed? Keep in mind that Jeb′s previous strategy was to win the 2016 Republican presidential nomination WITHOUT ′The Base′. How he expected to accomplish that is beyond me, but it certainly does explain why he is averaging around 3% in the nationwide polls.
Yes! The Jeb! 2016 campaign is indeed selling official Guaca Bowles for $75 a pop on his campaign website. As pictured above, the bowls do not have his campaign logo on them! At first, I was baffled by this omission. Maybe I′m just too ′Old School′ in the Sales and Marketing game, but it seems to me that you would want to splash your campaign logo on every trinket you are selling. Some dictionaries define this as ″branding″. But, NO! Branding doesn′t work with Jeb Bush! The guy isn′t even using his last name in his logo because it is so tainted. Sad…, very, very sad.
In case you are curious as to the rest of the all-new Jeb Cuckservative Bush Plan to win the nomination, here we go. ′Stay on the Attack′, that is, if he can keep his energy level high enough. ′Avoid Embarrassment in Iowa′, which, frankly, I don′t see how Jeb can avoid that one. ′Do Well in New Hampshire′, where he is hovering between 5th and 6th Place. ′Woo Lindsey Graham′, like that really helps! ′Use the Family Network′ as in trotting out his daddy and brother. ′Continue the Ad Blitz′ which the FEC has to question since Jeb is obviously referring to the ads being run by his SuperPAC, Right to Rise, which legally, Jeb is not supposed to be working directly with.
I wish I could say I am making this stuff up as part of some comical parody, but its ALL TRUE! Illuminati Confirmed! The Jeb Bush campaign is in such a sad state that it has become a parody all by itself. Barely a year ago, ′The Talk′ was how Jeb Bush was going to raise mega-bucks and fund the greatest, most professionally run and managed presidential campaign in history. Instead, the Jeb-Cuck campaign has faded into a listless joke. When will he wake up and smell the coffee? The latest polls in Florida show Jeb in 4th, if not 5th place! His ship sailed long ago and is now sinking steadily. I almost feel sorrow and pity for him, but I just can′t feel any sympathy for Jeb Bush. So go on and woo Lindsey Graham, Jeb. I′m sure the two of you will be quite happy sharing your lame-ass guaca bolwe!