Admittedly, this could be one of my shortest and easiest editorials ever, because I could simply say that in order to think like a liberal, you need not think at all. However, I know that RightPundits expects more from me than that, so I will take us to a place few have dared to travel, the mind of the liberal.

Micheal Savage wrote a book entitled: Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder and it sold well, but I have to disagree with Savage, I don’t believe it is as much of a mental disorder as it is an underdevelopment. For some odd reason, it seems that a liberal’s brain simply stops developing at about age 7, and from that point on, they have the rational thought processes of a typical 7-year-old.

Now, 7-year-olds are great, don’t get me wrong, but if you have ever been around one for an extended period of time, you know that they are brimming with questions, some of which are completely impossible to answer, and many which are far to complicated to explain to a 7-year-old. Still, they are inquisitive little beings, searching for the answers to the continual thoughts that pop inside their heads. We find that most adult liberals have this same inclination, to constantly ask the impossible questions which are far to complicated for them to understand the answers to, if answers can be found at all. Like, what can we do about wealth disparity? How can we end poverty? Shouldn’t everyone have access to affordable health care? So, the first rule of thinking like a liberal, is to think like a 7-year-old.

When you are 7, it seems as though everything in life is completely unfair. The grown ups never seem to want to do what you want to do, and you have to constantly whine and moan to get any attention at all. They will even lament, “life’s not fair” but in your 7-year-old mind, you don’t understand why life can’t be fair. Therefore, the 7-year-old will generally lobby for their position, regardless of how unreasonable and untenable it may be. This sometimes will lead to ‘hissy fits’ where they lay in the floor kicking and screaming until they get what they want. When I was growing up, my father wasn’t a big fan of Dr. Ben Spock, he had a nice 2-inch leather belt which was often used to remedy my 7-year-old mindset. I often think it was because of this, I didn’t get stuck forever in that mindset and become a liberal. Thanks Dad!

Of course, today’s liberal will claim that was child abuse, and say what you will, by the time I turned 8, I fully understood that you had to work and earn things you wanted, they weren’t just handed to you out of a sense of entitlement. I wasn’t the kid who drove a new car in high school, which his parents bought and gave to him. I drove a clunker farm truck for a few years, as I worked after school and saved every penny, then when I was a senior, I bought a new Mustang Cobra II. My friend, who’s parents were liberal (voted for McGovern) went out a week later and bought him a Cobra II with the 302 V8, I was a little jealous, but I took care of my car and drove it for the next 10 years. My friend trashed his car in a matter of a year, lost his license for racing, and eventually wrecked and totalled it out. But, I digress.

Aside from thinking like a 7-year-old, there are a few other aspects to thinking like a liberal we need to get to here. You have to remember that, no matter what your mind thinks up today, it has no relevance on what you might think tomorrow. This enables you to be as wrong as you can be, yet still maintain your superior knowledge over others. How many times have you reminded some liberal of a failed liberal argument, only to be told that they never ever made that argument? You see, as soon as the argument fails, they all like to pretend this was someone else’s idea, they had nothing to do with it, and we can’t blame them. Liberals who have aspired to political power, even go so far as to blame the failed idea on their adversaries, take the recent mortgage finance crisis and collapse of Freddy and Fannie. Clearly, the result of a failed liberal ideology, and liberal plan, but since it was seemingly implemented by a republican president, this makes it not their fault. And better yet, the liberal solutions to liberal policy failure, is always more liberalism.

The easiest aspect of thinking like a liberal is learning to argue like a liberal. It’s very simple and requires little effort on your part. You just have to tune in to MSNBC or go to DailyKos, and find out what the given issue of the day is, and which side you are on. It’s easy because everything is divided into left/right positions, so that you can see clearly where your position should be. If you somehow can’t find the given issue of the day, you merely have to wait for a rightie to state his position, then take the opposing view. Again, it simply doesn’t matter if you took the opposite view last week, or if it completely contradicts some other view you may have.

The point is, to remain consistently opposed to whatever the right says, no matter how much sense the right may be making. Even when the right is making the same argument you made before, like in the case of Syrian intervention, you can simply say that you never made those same arguments about Iraq, it was completely different. Generally, you can find great liberal talking points on the various liberal blogs, where other liberals have cleverly manipulated data or poll numbers, so as to support whatever position is the given liberal position of the day. Then, you basically hang all your argumentative weight on the “failed policies of George W. Bush” and walk away. If anyone challenges you too harshly, call them a racist old white man.

Finally, the absolute greatest thing about thinking like a liberal is, you can believe in Liberal Utopia, or as I like to call it, Utopian Fantasy Land. It’s kind of like Pleasure Island in the Pinocchio story. This is a place where all the Liberal idealism comes to life and is a reality. There are no more hungry or sick people, no rich people who make too much money, all social needs are met, everyone gets to do as they please, no one has to work, all things are provided free, there are never any consequences to your actions, and no personal responsibility is needed. Most importantly, life is like a 7-year-old wants it to be, everything is fair.