Thousands have gathered for the reenactment of The Battle of Gettysburg in 2013, marking its 150th Anniversary. Thousands more are visiting the Gettysburg National Park to see the historic battlefield. In his PBS documentary, ′The Civil War′, Ken Burns called Gettysburg a ′Universe of Battle′. Given where we are today in 21st Century America, culture-wise, I call it a Universe of Crackers, or more to the point, a Universe of Creepy Crackers. We had Southern Creepy Crackers fighting for State′s Rights, code word for slavery. Or in other words, the right of elites to own other human beings as private property. Then we have the Northern ′Yankee′ Creepy Crackers who were fighting for preserving the Union, code word for preserving International banking and greedy robber-barons. Or in other words, the right of elites to treat workers as subhuman dirt. If Sen. Chuck Schumer had been around back then, he would call the Yankees, Chamber-of-Commerce-Creepy-Crackers.

battle of gettysburg

Originally, I was going to write a 3-part, hum-drum, historical appraisal of the Battle of Gettysburg. Each day an article about what happened that particular day 150 years ago, complete with Battle of Gettysburg maps and other fun facts. For example, of the 43,434 casualties during the three-days of combat, only one civilian, a woman hit by a stray bullet while baking bread in her home, was killed. But other events in today′s world overshadow this moment from history.

Obviously, I am poking some fun at the testimony last week of ′star witness′ Rachel Jeantel and her use of the term ′creepy crackers′ to describe White Americans. She certainly seems happy that her freedom was obtained after some 600,000-plus creepy crackers died in battle with over a million creepy crackers maimed and crippled. Then we have one of the more popular creepy crackers, Paula Deen, who made millions smothering her crackers in butter, going down for using the N-word some 20 or 30 years ago. Meanwhile, the angry creepy cracker, Alec Baldwin, is free to launch homophobic tirades on Twitter while shilling for Capital One Banks and nobody seems to care.

Then we have the latest outrages over the weekend. First, there was Lady Gaga who decided to rewrite the National Anthem, making America the ′Home of the Gays.′ We may as well be since a good deal of our society is totally confused about their sexuality. While America debates making illegal immigrants legal, we have the Queen of Latinos and Hispanics, Jennifer Lopez, cashing a check bigger than her butt for singing Happy Birthday to the tyrannical dictator of Turkmenistan. A Muslim nation well known for human rights abuses, especially against homosexuals. Way to go, J-Lo! Just stomp your high-heels on the throats of gays while you cash your check.

Who are we trying to kid anymore? Are we even trying? Barack Obama doesn′t think it is his job to pick up a telephone to call other world leaders. I guess he′s working too hard and simply has no time in between speeches, fundraisers, golf and vacations to bother with national security issues. America has become a global joke. It is a shame that a whole lot of people suffered and paid with their lives as they faced Minie balls and bayonets for the luxury of freedom. Rachel Jeantel, Alec Baldwin, Paula Deen, Lady Gaga and J-Lo certainly do not appreciate the sacrifices made on their behalf.

So how will you celebrate The Battle of Gettysburg in 2013? Watch a reenactment on the 150th Anniversary? Visit the Gettysburg National Park to see the actual battlefield? If I had a large enough table that was clear of junk, I might be tempted to set up a copy of the old SPI boardgame, Terrible Swift Sword, perhaps the best Gettysburg wargame ever produced. Ahh, but I think I′ll just celebrate by eating some crackers instead. They are not that much different than the old ′hardtack′ eaten by troops during the Civil War. Maybe coat them with some of Paula Deen′s butter, too. Yumo!