Last night on the National Geographic Channel, NatGeo TV, we had another fun episode of Doomsday Preppers entitled, Pain is Good. We were introduced to two preppers, Craig, who practices prepping Alaskan-style and David, a Liberal Moonbat from Hawaii who communes with the Universe for his major decisions. While Craig teaches his youngest daughter, Emily, how to hunt moose and bear, David drinks his own urine and consults the Cosmos with his ′Earth-woman′, Rachelle, as to whether or not some berries are poisonous. David is prepping for a major tsunami strike on Hawaii while Craig worries about a tyrannical government declaring martial law once the economy collapses. Let us see how these two preppers get scored by the panel of experts?
We begin with Craig who hails from Fairbanks, Alaska. For Craig, prepping in Alaska is not much different than normal life in the wilderness state. Rugged individualism is a 24/7 necessity there, even on a good day! As we learned watching Brad Meltzer′s Decoded when his team investigated the strange happenings in the Alaskan Triangle, 3 out of 1,000 residents disappear each year. That is a helluva statistic! Most vanish without any trace, either from boat or airplane accidents, or from being attacked by bears and wolves.
So Craig has these to contend with as he preps for a potential government take-over following an economic collapse. His family is split as his wife and oldest daughter work in the medical profession hundreds of miles away from their home in Fairbanks. But his youngest daughter, Emily, lives with Craig, so he is busy teaching her how to survive both the tyranny of government and the rigors of Mother Nature. With conditions like temperatures of 60-below-zero with 90 MPH winds typical of an Alaskan winter, survival is not a walk in the park.
Poor Emily is awoken in the middle of the night as Craig conducts a bug-out drill. They quick march 4 miles through the woods to their getaway boat, a rugged jet-boat specially designed for operating in shallow waters and handling obstacles like sand bars, beaver dams and such. The river trip is about 90 miles and takes them four hours to complete. Along the way, Craig teaches Emily about his security measures of packing explosives on trees along the river banks. He has her set one off with a well-aimed rifle shot, bringing the tree down to serve as an additional barrier to unwanted guests.
But even when they arrive at their ′safe zone′, they must still be on guard as they find signs of bear activity. Cautiously, they finally reach their shelter, a specially designed survival dome known as an inter-shelter. Created by Craig′s prepper-friend, Don, the dome can withstand earthquakes, 200 MPH winds and most small arms gunfire. The dome is also ′bear-proof.′ Don joins them for the drill, getting a surprise ambush sprung by Craig and Emily. They go moose hunting and bag a big bull to add meat to their stockpile of food. The panel of experts score Craig a whopping 82, giving him at least 17 months of post-apocalyptic survival. But even that irritates Craig, who says the experts can kiss his @$$!
Next we have our Cosmic Moonbat from Hawaii, David. I don′t know what his guy has been smoking, but I want some! David moved to Hawaii after having visions of a non-materialistic life in paradise. But since his move to the islands, his visions now are of a massive tsunami washing away most of the population. Since the government′s scientists can only give a 3 to 6 hour warning of an approaching tsunami, David relies on his visions to give him and his Earth-woman, Rachelle, advanced notice. They plan to paddle a canoe for 15 miles to reach an area with some high ground, 4,000 above sea level.
Since David is one with the Universe, he brings no supplies like food or water. He does not even bring any shoes! This causes a problem as he steps on a hunk of wood that rips through one of his feet. Luckily, Earth-woman Rachelle spots some Noni which has a natural antibiotic in its seeds. They begin their ascent to high ground, refreshing themselves with food and water they find along the way. There is a question about some berries they come across, whether they are poisonous or not? So David meditates and consults the Universe for permission to eat the berries. I′m not sure if he is invoking ′The Force′, or ′The Schwartz?′
The journey is a long and rough one and soon they are thirsty with no handy water source available. So David decides to drink his own urine. Earth-woman Rachelle passes, no pun intended. Okay, you caught me, the pun WAS intended! They finally reach the summit where they find plenty of food and fresh water, though there is still a question as to just how clean it really is? The panel of experts score David a pitiful 45, giving him and his Earth-woman maybe 3 months at best to live. They suggest that he acquire some type of portable water filtering device and maybe a pair of shoes, too! David does take heed of the suggestions and does later buy a tarp and some other basic equipment. Especially now that he is having visions of civil unrest following an economic collapse. Maybe there is some hope for him after all? Will David and his Earth-woman, Rachelle, be the last two Moonbats standing after the apocalypse? Let′s hope so! We need at least one just to remind us what they were all about.
So ends this week′s recap and review of Doomsday Preppers episode, Pain is Good. Next week, National Geographic will be running a repeat of an earlier episode, so I guess I will have to write about something else. Perhaps we God-loving Conservatives should consider an Adopt-a-Liberal program to save a few after Obama crashes the economy and brings about The Great Culling? I suppose we do need a few Liberal Moonbats left to post their silly comments on our blogs to keep us entertained. We can call this the Shoes for David charity in honor of the Hawaiian Moonbat.