The Summer Olympics is a great source of family fun. For those who don’t enjoy regular sports, they get to spend 3 weeks immersing themselves in a bunch of make-believe events, with athletes that we won’t ever hear from again for another 4 years. The rest of us are expected to be in the same room reading while this is on television, and appropriately look up to either express glee or disgust, depending on the score that judges have given the competitors. This is a miniscule price to pay for 49 weeks of household peace during the all-important baseball, football, and basketball seasons. But during this Olympics, this beautiful system, perfected over decades of marriage, has been shattered due to the political correctness that has invaded London.

In our home, the system is that I get to pick one men’s sport and one women’s sport and Mrs. Arriba and I watch those together. The rest of the time, she gets to choose, and I pretend to care who wins the pair diving competition. My women’s sport this Olympics is beach volleyball. I’m not really sure why that was my choice, except that the competitors are athletic and graceful adults. This compares them favorably to women’s gymnastics, which features a bunch of pre-adolescent appearing youngsters, preening and posing and sticking out body parts to appeal to the pervs in the viewing audience. While I’m at it, why does every guy on the American swimming team seem to have vacant eyes and a slack jaw?

However, when the first beach volleyball event was on this Olympiad, the women were all dressed as if they were Nanook of the North, wearing sweaters, parkas, and flannel gloves. Even so, one player still got frostbite. I blamed London’s dismal summer for this disgusting turn of events, and figured that the natural order of things would return in 4 years, when the games move to Rio.

But, alas, the International Volleyball Federation (talk about your plum jobs) has decreed that the competitors may wear shorts and tops that conceal most of their body. The rationale for this change is that some nations have religious restrictions that forbid women from wearing outfits that are so scant that they only thing between their body and the viewer is our imagination.

I know that the world is constantly changing. Eventually, I’ll probably have to get a cell phone; I’ll even have to throw away my Beta VCR. But sometimes we must all rise up together and scream out “This injustice must not stand.”

Beach Volleyball 2007  1436878951