“I love it when chicks get to kick butt.”

Tonight was the season premiere of Sons of Guns, the story of Red Jacket Firearms. This episode revolved around Kris, and his whimsical idea to mass produce a KRISS Vector, the weapon used in Total Recall. Apparently this episode, as so many others in the past few seasons have been, is intended to promote a movie. Sony, fortuitously, decided to send the shop some prop guns from the Total Recall film which is being remade, so that Kris can lead a rebuilt version of the submachine gun.

Then Sony sends a stunt car from the movie to Baton Rouge, as well as some of the stunt drivers. One of them, Janene Carlton, is the stunt double for Jessica Biel in Total Recall. Stephanie decides to use Janene’s skills to learn how to beat up her husband, Kris, an endeavor that all of us consider worthwhile. My favorite scene of the episode was watching the two fetching young lasses in tank tops sweating while pretending to beat each other up.

Will decides to bring in Rigo Durazo, who directs combat training for some firm to teach Kris something. It would be nice if Kris learned something this season. It takes this guy about 2 seconds to bring Kris down and cuff him. Rigo then teaches Kris how to disarm someone with a weapon. This might be a skill that the other crew members would learn when Kris is under the influence and begins his playing with weaponry. While Kris is playing, Joe and Will build ‘his’ weapon. Once Joe gets done with the work, Kris pops up to take credit.

Then, in a world where everything revolves around Kris, they decide to set up an imaginary secret agent exercise for Kris. He eventually escapes from some handcuffs; he then encounters Steph, who disarms him in about a millisecond. He then escapes from her, and runs the 50 yards to Will, and collapses, completely winded.

Let’s talk about the physical changes the characters have undergone in the few months since we last saw them. I’ll begin with the reason most of us watch the program, Stephanie Hayden. For some reason, she has decided to upgrade her makeup a lot, so in many of the scenes she looks like she is walking into a local bar. Kris Ford has undergone a substantial change in his look. He must have gained 30 pounds since the spring episodes. It appears that he has decided to add an infusion of etoufee to supplement his previous all-liquid diet.