John Edwards will not be facing a retrial on campaign corruption charges by the Justice Department, according to NPR. As we all recall, last month the jury was unable to reach a verdict on whether Edwards sought campaign contributions from wealthy donors, and then used the money received to provide support for his mistress, Rielle Hunter.
The jury agreed that the former Democratic Presidential candidate was not guilty on one charge, but could not agree on a decision on the other five counts. In a chaotic ending to the trial, Edwards and an alternate juror were apparently flirting with each other during the proceedings. It seems that the Justice Department recognized that an extremely high percentage of women between the ages of 18 and 99 find the former Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee irresistible; since it seems difficult to put together a jury without any females on it, John Edwards is unconvictable. Since this term has not existed until the strange case of John Edwards, his photo may appear beside it in new dictionary editions.
The wondrous thing about being unconvictable is that the only thing keeping Edwards from violating laws is his own sense of morals. Knowing his history, we can all try to figure out what crimes he would choose to not commit. I’m drawing a blank on this one.
After the feds made their decision, Edwards’ lawyers produced their own statement:
“While John has repeatedly admitted to his sins, he has also consistently asserted, as we demonstrated at the trial, that he did not violate any campaign law nor even imagined that any campaign laws could apply. We are confident that the outcome of any new trial would have been the same. We are very glad that, after living under this cloud for over three years, John and his family can have their lives back and enjoy the peace they deserve.”
I’m guessing that bars in Greensboro, North Carolina are doing a landslide business tonight as women across the state try to ‘meet’ their soul mate for the night, political heartthrob John Edwards.