If you are a political junkie like me, tonight is like Christmas eve. The anticipation is awesome even if the caucus is being overhyped. I will dedicate myself, as a public service, to the agony of watching all the coverage provided by the talking heads on the various cable news outlets. I will provide an update on the winners and losers that will be determined by an algorithim…., forget that! They will be my opinions alone.

I will start the with winning comment (so far) from the Iowa campaign that was uttered by Tina’s favorite candidate Mike Huckabee, “People like me because they see me as the guy they work next to, not the guy that laid them off”. Gosh, I wonder who he was talking about?

I will apologize upfront for the grammatical and spelling errors that will inevitably be part of tonight’s posting. I want to be as timely as possible and not agonize over dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s.

***Update*** 8:15 PM EST

I am going through the pain of watching Olbermann. This is as much fun as a trip to my Proctologist but I suffer for my art and you people. Tim Russert is doing his usual, “I am knowledgable” routine. 2 things Tim - get a haircut and see Dr. Atkins. Both KO and Tim seem to have a united goal of elevating Ron Paul’s status. What a shocker! I wonder if there “entrance” polls will be as correct as their exit polls in 2004? 10 minutes until the coverage on Fox News begins. Please, save me!

***Update*** 8:27 PM EST

My wife and I were watching Fox (sorry, 10 minutes is my limit for uninterrupted MSNBC viewing) and the Rudy commercial was shown. It was the first time I have seen this one. It was full of terrorists but did not refer to 9/11. I asked my wife what she thought of it. She told me that she thought it was a commercial for an upcoming documentary on MSNBC until she saw Rudy’s face.

Fox News has it as Huck 33% and Romney at 23%. If that holds, it is an absolute disaster for Romney considering that he has spent more than $10 million in Iowa versus $300 thousand for Huckabee. Obama leads Hillary 34 to 27. A good night for Obama but not a disaster for Clinton. This could be the end of John Edwards. He will have to go back to his “America”.

***Update*** 8:42 PM EST

Juan Williams just basically spanked Bill Kristol after Kristol made the statement that voters under 65 favored Obama by a large margin. Williams pointed out that Obama’s advantage was mainly amongst the 17 to 24 year olds. According to the polling he was favored over her by 54 to 11. According to Fox’s blonde bombshell whose name I missed, the evangelicals turned out in force. If the early results hold then it obviously helped Huckabee but appears to have helped Thompson as well.

***Update*** 8:53 PM EST

Could John McCain have looked any happier during his interview with Chris Wallace? In his heart of hearts, he wants Romney to go down. I am having a tough time concentrating since my wife wants to bring up a thousand different topics! Fox just projected Huckabee as the winner!!! If these numbers hold, it will provide him with momentum and the GOP will have a real risk of a Huckacide. Also, Edwards is still in 1st place after 29% of the votes have reported.

Romney is now trying to spin his disaster as OK because he is coming in ahead of Rudy, Thompson and McCain. Mitt, they spent a combined 90% less than you did in Iowa! Get real.

***Update*** 9:05 PM EST

Another blond bombshell for Fox did a great job of explaining the Democrats chaotic caucus process. Rudy at 4%. I guess the old saying, “you give nothing, you get nothing applies” to Rudy. Yet another blond bombshell on Fox! She is commenting on us “bloggers”. Has Murdoch hired every hot blond in New York?

Bill Bennett on CNN. They must have bribed him with a blackjack table. Also, get a haircut Bill. Wolf Blitzer is on now. 15 seconds of him is all I can take now. Back to Fox, Britt Hume and the blond bombshells.

The realclearblogs guy on Fox looks to be about 14 years olds. Shouldn’t he be in bed now? 50% of the Democrats voting and it is still neck to neck among Hillary, Obama and Edwards. Dodd is a scratch. No surprise there.

***Update*** 9:12 PM EST

According to Major Garrett, yet another Fox blonde bombshell, the 2nd tier Democratic candidates threw their support to Obama. He is the candidate for change. What does that mean anyway? The Clinton’s are preparing for their scorched earth policy and Hillary will bring universal heath care into play in New Hampshire. Many of the precincts that would favor Obama have not yet reported.

***Update*** 9:20 PM EST

Back to MSNBC and Alan Greenspan’s wife is trying to tell me that Obama is new and different. Chris Matthews is slamming Huckabee while professing love for Obama. KO is now interviewing Hucks campaign manager. Interrupted by McCain who congratulates Huckabee and tells Romney to piss off. OK - the last part was a joke but he is clearly thrilled, thus his comment, “you can’t buy an election” in Iowa or New Hampshire. I beg to differ with John McCain on 1 point - Jon Corzine bought his elections. It can be done, in New Jersey, at least. Back to KO and Mr. Saltsman from the Huck campaign. He expresses his love for McCain. Damn - interrupted again - MSNBC is projecting Obama as the winner. Chris Matthews draws a comparison to the revolutionary war. Clearly, Chrissy has no love for Hillary. Chrissy, “We are in a rut”. He noted that this is NOT a partisan comment. We are doing nothing on any issue of importance. He is not partisan though, nope - not one bit. No bias at MSNBC. KO now compares the current environment to 1932. I am going to throw up now or just jump out my window. The only problem is that I am on the first floor. Now they are comparing the current environment to slavery. I am not making this up!! I must, must change the channel.

***Update*** 9:32 PM EST

Ah! Back to Fox and blond bombshell #1. Her name is Megan Kelly, I think. I needed a quick shower after hearing the hate America crowd at MSNBC. I am finished with them. My pain has limits. Britt states the obvious that this is a big blow to Mitt’s campaign but Carl Cameron tells Britt that Mitt is rich and can withstand this hit. Mitt is a “multi, multi, millionaire”. Over at MSNBC, that will get him shot. Carl tells me that Mitt’s wealth will cause damage to the GOP. I am beginning to wear down. I can not follow his logic. I can’t shake off my MSNBC experience. Bill, Britt and Fred agree that Obama beating Clinton is a big story. Thanks. The bigger story will be if she can’t beat Edwards.

McCain may actually sneak into 3rd. The blond bombshell on the panel thinks this is not a big blow to Hillary. Hillary should run on her experience according to Nina Easton. OK - I’ll bite. What is her relevant experience? Fred points out that Obama is likeable and almost brought Fred to tears. Juan Williams points out the historical “black man” wins moment. I actually think it is a great sign for this country that this is the first mention of race that I have heard tonight.

***Update*** 9:45 PM EST

Kristol now thinks Obama is the favorite and that Huck is not a one state wonder. Kristol is wrong on that, in my opinion. Hillary is still the favorite. Fred does not think Huck will play well in most states. I happen to agree with that. Hillary is going to grace us with her presence soon. Will she have a Howard Dean moment? God, I hope so. Listening to Fred Barnes is like taking Ambien. Juan indirectly warns Obama not to sell out. Blond bombshell #3 (I think) interviews Mike Allen from politico.com and he thinks Fred Thompson may be history. Boy, that was a stretch.

Will McCain come in third? This is really a great night for him. Romney just takes a brutal hit and McCain will be the big beneficiary according to Allen. Again, I agree. So far, only 1 mention of Rudy all night. I am dying to go to the bathroom but I don’t want to miss Hillary. Nina Easton plays the “evangelical won’t vote for a Mormon” line. Hmm…where have we heard that before? Fred agrees that this is a great result for McCain. I don’t know, I think Huckabee may be somewhat happy with the results as well, don’t you?

My wife’s theory proves to be correct! Hillary could not defeat Obama for the women’s vote. Of all the results, that is the one that that should concern the Clinton campaign. My wife contends that women will not support her in masse like I have assumed all along. So tired, so tired…

***Update*** 10:01 PM EST

Over to H&C. Is it me or does Colmes have a face for radio? He does seem like a nice guy. Cameron is bought into Mitt Romney and thinks he could do well in New Hampshire against McCain. Since Carl is traveling with Romney, he may be suffering from a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Not surprisingly, Hannity’s first guest is Rudy Giuliani. He seems thrilled that Mitt has been drilled. Rudy states that, “we are in good shape”. Hannity throws softballs at Rudy. Basically, Rudy sticks to the script. Nothing new to report.

Colmes informs Rudy that according to Pew he is no longer the leading national GOP candidate. Uh, oh…he brings up Kerik. Rudy points out that the New York Times exonerates him. Hmmm… I don’t remember that. Rudy says he is optimistic but looks like he is ready to strangle Alan. Colmes hits him with some hard questions. The left should be happy with him tonight.

Over to our friends at CNN - Jack Cafferty is talking and all I can hear is the waves from the ocean. Bill Bennett is talking and the only thing going through my mind is whether I should have gone all in on the flop at my annual New Year’s eve poker party when I held pocket kings. Some guy says Huckabee will get a bounce in New Hampshire. Some lady (not as good looking as the Fox ladies) says something but I am put off by the fact that she does not have blonde hair. Back to Wolf Blitzer and that means I go back to Fox.

Mrs. Edwards is fronting for her husband again. Is Ann Coulter in the audience? She states the obvious and introduces next President of the United States. Edwards thanks his wife. Smooth move, pal. Here we go with the “corporate greed” speech. This guy never changes.

Edwards has pulled ahead of Hillary. Not a good night for Mrs. Clinton. OMG - he is telling horror stories now. I suggest an exclusive with KO and Chris Matthews.

***Update*** 10:18 PM EST

John Edwards walked 7 miles to school, uphill, both ways! This multi-millionaire is now criticizing others for being multi-millionaires. His voice even cracks a little bit. My God, this is getting to be downright depressing! Even his own supporters look ready for him to end this ode to misery. Please, cable news networks, interrupt him!!!

Thompson and McCain are tied for third. It is time for Fred to exit. Edwards is still talking about how horrible things are in America. This guy makes me want to call in a prescrition for Paxil. He nows tells us that we can look our children in the eye because a tidal wave of change began tonight. What the Hell is he talking about?

Obama’s lead is now at 8%. A very good night for him. I suspect that he will not do as well in New Hampshire but, as every reader of this blog knows, I am often wrong.

Now onto Hillary. She disses Iowa by stating that she will take her crowd’s enthusiasm into New Hampshire. She is proud to be a democrat and thanks all of the candidates who presented the case for change. Tomorrow, of course, she will stick a knife in Obama’s back through her proxies. After they are done with obama, we will believe that Obama was snorting Coke as a diapered 2 year old. Has anyone told the Democratic candidates that Bush is not running in 08? Hillary states that she is ready for the contest. Gee, thanks. She wants people who think like her to vote for her. Huh? What am I missing? Poor Bill. It is going to be a tough night for him.

According to Hillary if we don’t vote for her, we won’t recognize America in a few years. I guess the USA will look like Luxemberg. Now she veers hard to the left. She is ready to lead!! The question is, lead what?

***Update*** 10:37 PM EST

Chris Dodd has dropped out of the race! Who is Chris Dodd?

OK - Let’s review the winners and losers from the Iowa Caucus. First, the winners:

Mike Huckabee - For a guy who is so sloppy on foreign affairs and had little money, it is truly astounding that he won so convincingly. There are challenges ahead though. I am watching Huck talk now and I can think of only 1 thing. Chuck Norris’ wife is smoking hot! Rupert Murdoch needs to hire her pronto. Anyway, Iowa may prove to be the high water mark for his campaign but you never know.

Barack Obama - Although I disagree with him on almost every issue, I must admit that it is great for this country that an African American can win an Iowa Caucus. We have truly come a long way. I wonder if he is going to be able to withstand the avalanche of knives that will be coming his way in the next few days.

John McCain - I have never seen someone so happy to lose. Romney’s bad night equals a great night for McCain. He will play kissy, kissy with Huck through the New Hampshire primary and if McCain is able to put away Romney in South Carolina, then they will go to war with each other. Did I mention that Chuck’s wife is hot?

Ron Paul - He is well, you know..nuts but you have to give him credit. He may achive a double digit percentage of the votes by night’s end. Still, James Madsen will not be appointed to the Federal Reserve anytime soon.

Now onto the losers:

Mitt Romney - He lost to someone that he outspent 30 to 1. Simply put, the evangelicals not only deserted him but turned out in force to ensure that he would not win. He absolutely must win New Hampshire or he is finished.

Hillary Clinton - Her speech tonight was awful and the results were no better. Fortunately for her, the Clinton campaign has an incredibly strong national infrastructure. IMO - she is still the front runner although a 3rd place loss can not be spun as a win. She is not the “comeback kid”. BTW - yet another blond bombshell on Fox, Kirsten Powers. I love Fox.

Fred Thompson - If I had said 3 months ago that the evangelicals would desert Romney (and I did) we would have all presumed that the main beneficiary would be Fred. He was the conservative alternative. That did not happen. He is wasting everyone’s time.

MDefl - I managed to get both contests wrong. I thought the establishment candidates would win in the end. Romney is in more trouble than Clinton altough neither is dead yet.

Good night! Somebody from the west coast will need to blog on Obama’s victory speech. I thought Tina’s sources had Huckabee weakening? I guess not although I can’t blame her for my failure.

***Update*** 11:10 PM EST

OK - I changed my mind. Sue me. Obama’s speech, even though I disagree with most of it, is excellent. His delivery is 1000 percent better than Hillary’s. I’ll stand by my prediction of Hillary winning but she officially is in a dog fight.