Meet Sandrama Lamy, the 33 year old woman accused of groping a mall Santa in Danbury, Connecticut.

Okay, that is not really a photo of Sandrama Lamy sitting in Santa’s lap. Nobody can pull the white beard over your eyes.

Nevertheless, she allegedly jumped into Santa’s lap and squeezed his bag of goods, an act being distastefully reported in the mainstream media as a “grope.” She was later arrested and arraigned for 4th degree sexual assault of jolly old Saint Nicholas.

Shocking story. After I get over it, tell me where I apply for the store Santa job and what Sandrama wants for Christmas. One Santa’s grope is another Santa’s pleasure.

Is anyone as confused as me about this story? If an aging 65-year old Santa is lovingly explored by a flirtatious young woman on a cold winter day, why is he complaining? There is one explanation that makes sense, so consider this my good Samaritan’s warning to keep your kids away from this perky elf.

For her part Sandrama Lamy denies the allegation but has it all backwards. “Why would I do this? There were so many people there. If Santa needed a few extra bucks I would have given it to him.”

Pay him for the dance? Please.

Since you wanted to know, Danbury Fair mall authorities have disappointingly described this as an “isolated” incident. But there are a lot of malls out there for a more congenial Santa Claus.